


Working on it

by Momos_weird_thoughts



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Awkward Dates, Comfort/Angst, Culmets - Freeform, Getting Back Together, M/M, Not Beta Read, relationship repairing, set after s2, they're fixing their relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-25 22:29:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18710959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Momos_weird_thoughts/pseuds/Momos_weird_thoughts
Summary: Paul and Hugh have a lot to talk about and they finally actually do that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am finally uploading a fic again!  
> I need more culmets content and I love all the culmets content I see here, so I thought I'd make some too to contribute to it :D
> 
> This is not beta read and also english isn't my first language so I am sure that there are some mistakes in this. Sorry for that, but hey, culmets content is culmets content, right? :D
> 
> Content Warnings: They talk a lot about everything around Hugh's death, a bit about Paul's injury and I guess drugs are mentioned in one sentence. (I hope that covers everything. If you think there should be anything else, please tell me. It's a pretty wholesome fic though, just sad here and there.)

The hypo spray made Paul wake up with a whimpered sharp breath, panicked.

“Where-”

Hugh tried to keep him lying down, gently holding onto his upper arms. “Paul, you-”

“What-what-”

“Paul!”, he shook him lightly to make him focus on him, instead of snapping his head around, desperately trying to get oriented. “Paul, you’re okay. We’re on Discovery, we made it.” His commanding tone became soft as soon as he had Paul’s attention and a chance to calm him down. “We’re all okay, you’re okay, shh. You’re okay.”

“We’re in the future?”, he asked, eyes big.

Hugh nodded. “Yes.”

“Why are you here?” He frowned, but his voice was small and confused.

“I came back for you.” Without the adrenaline that he had had two days prior, this conversation was much harder to have.

“So, I didn’t imagine you.”, he said, almost ashamed, his eyes flickering to a spot behind Hugh.

“No, you didn’t. I’m here. And I meant what I said.”

That made Paul look at him again. He stared into Hugh’s eyes, searching the answers to questions he didn’t voice.

Are you serious? You traveled 950 years to the future just to be with me? Since when do you make dumb impulse decision? Don’t you think you’ll regret it? Why do you have that kind of trust in me or my choices?

They started talking at the same moment, and both stopped after two words.

“You go first.”, Paul said. He seemed so small and insecure and Hugh would never forgive himself for making the man he loved feel like that.

“I… I came back, because I want to be with you, Paul. I realized that…” He shook his head. “I love you. Still. Maybe more than ever.” Paul’s disbelieving, confused and at the same time somewhat relieved eyes broke Hugh’s heart. He took his patient’s hand in both of his, squeezing it to support his words. “Paul, I was so dumb to ever push you away and I’m so sorry, that it took me so long to realize that. I can only ask you- beg you to forgive me and to be patient with me, if you would ever take me back after-”

Paul just wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. It was one of Paul’s wonderful tight hugs, where he was clinging onto Hugh as if he was his lifeline. The doctor helped him to sit up to made the hug more comfortable, because neither of them had intentions to let go any time soon.

Hugh’s throat hurt. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed touch, especially Paul’s. While the memory of seemed far in the past, in the present it was perfect and just right and exactly what Hugh had missed in his new life.

“I’m so so sorry, Paul.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not, I-”

“We can handle it. As long as we work on this together, we’ll make it. You just have to promise me that you’ll work on it with me.”

“I promise.”

Paul hugged him tighter if that was even possible.

“Paul, your ribs.” Hugh gently pushed him back, careful to avoid the spot of his injury and Paul let go. “Don’t they hurt?”

“Like hell.”, he admitted.

“I shouldn’t even let you sit up right now.”, he sighed, picking up the tricorder with one hand, while helping Paul lay back down with the other.

“And the doctor in you is taking back over.”, Paul chuckled.

Hugh was extremely thrown off by the fond smile his patient gave him. This was all he wanted. How could he ever not have known, that if Paul would only smile at him like that every once in a while, little would be in the way of happiness.

He didn’t know what to say, so he just replied the smile.

“Everything is healing fine, but we’ll keep a close eye on you, after all you had very serious injuries.”

“What happened?”, Paul asked with a frown, feeling the spot on his chest. His hand was in the way of the doctor’s scan, so Hugh moved it away and kept gently holding onto it.

“In summary the metal crushed some ribs, pierced your lung and luckily missed your heart, but some important blood vessels around it were completely destroyed. You lost a lot of blood but we managed to rebuild everything. I’ll open your shirt and do a physical exam.”

“Sure.”

Paul looked down to see a big bruise on his scared chest.

“Don’t worry, all of that will go away with some skin regeneration. Tell me when it hurts.”

Hugh proceeded to touch and poke the black and blue area and Paul let him know what hurt, mostly by flinching or hissing.

“Looks good.”, Hugh smiled, closing Paul’s shirt again. “Don’t make to quick movements and generally avoid anything that hurts for the next week. The blood vessels need some time to heal before we can fully concentrate on your ribs, with a few sessions of regenerating.”

“Okay.”, Paul smiled.

“You’re, uh, not very talkative, are you alright?”, Hugh nervously voiced a concern that he had noticed long before his examination.

“I’m fine.”, Paul said softly, reaching out and touching Hugh’s arm to comfort him. “I just really tired, have a really weird taste in my mouth and my head feels like it’s about to explode.”

“You’re the worst patient. You have to tell me those things.”, Hugh said searching for the right hypo spray.

“Sorry.”

The doctor administered the medication and waited a moment for it to take effect. His hand was cupping Paul’s jaw, where he had placed it to tilt his head for the hypospray.

“Better?”

“Yes. Thank you.”, Paul sighed, closing his eyes.

“I’ll get you a glass of water and you can sleep some more, okay?” Hugh ran a thumb over Paul’s cheekbone and it made the blonde smile, pulling up his brows.

“Thank you.” He looked comfortable which in turn comforted the doctor.

“Hugh.”, he said, opening his eyes again and stopping him from walking away. “We’ll talk, okay?”

“Of course.”, he said softly. “Just recover a bit first.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Oh, my god, commander, I’m so glad that you’re okay!” She fell around his neck and Paul’s face was suddenly covered in red curls. 

“Thank you.” He hugged back, giving her a little squeeze before letting go.

“I came in as soon as we arrived, but you were still in coma and you didn’t look too good and I came in yesterday but you were asleep. It’s so good to see you awake and well. It- I- Yeah, I was really scared.”

“I was scared too.”, he said honestly. “But I was lucky enough to have you around. Thank you for bringing me here. You and Nilsson saved my life.”

She just smiled, blushing a little.

“And thank you for talking to me, it helped a lot.”

“Really? I felt so stupid telling you you’d be okay, while you were practically dying in my arms, I don’t even remember what exactly I said, I just-”

“I don’t remember either. But it helped me. Sometimes just… babbling can be really useful.”, he smiled.

“I didn’t think it ever would be.”, she giggled.

“I’d say saving someone’s life is a pretty cool thing to document for the command training, but I guess that’s useless here. Or ‘now’ rather.”

“Oh, you have to look at the data we collected! It’s crazy! We’ve been sorting through it but the amount of data we collected only going through the wormhole is insane!”

“We’ll work on that as soon as I’m back on duty.”, he smiled. “Unless there is suddenly anarchy, now that we’re completely disconnected from Starfleet.”

“There is not.”, she giggled.

Hugh joined them. He had left to change from his uniform and was now wearing the standard issued shirt and sweatpants, matching Paul.

“It’s good to know you’re okay too.”, Paul smiled at Tilly. “We’ll talk about the data later. The doctors are finally releasing me and I’m starving.”

“Don’t say ‘doctors’ as if we were keeping you imprisoned here.”, Hugh chuckled.

“That’s basically what you did, so I will say ‘doctors’ exactly like I mean it.”, Paul grinned.

Tilly stared at them, her mouth gaping wide open.

“Are you…like… oh my god, that’s so unprofessional of me to ask and totally none of my business, but are you two...”

“We’re getting some food together.”, Hugh just smiled, placing a hand in the small of Paul’s back.

Tilly’s face lit up excitedly. She took a breath that ended up being a very deep breath, because she had to think about what to say. “I am so happy for you both!”

“Thank you.”, Paul smiled. “Uhm, as I said, I’m starving so...”

“Yes, yes, sorry, I’ll go, I have bridge duty, I- uh yeah, have fun!” And gone she was.

“Found one.”, Hugh smiled holding up the blue sweater he had picked up from Paul’s quarters. “Is it still your favourite?”

“It is.”, Paul smiled.

The doctor helped him into the sweater, cause moving Paul’s left arm too much still hurt.

But after the slight struggle getting him into the sweater, nothing stood in between them and food.

“You’d think after travelling 950 year to the future, people would have better things to do than stare at us.”, Paul remarked quietly as they walked into the mess hall.

"At least they're mostly positive stares now."

"Oh. Yes, I-"

"Let's sit before we get into the tough stuff.", Hugh smiled.

Paul smiled back, gesturing him to use the replicator first.

"Caesar salad with chicken."

He took the tray and stepped aside.

"Salmon, polenta and green beans."

Replicated food wasn't like freshly cooked food, it didn't have a strong smell or taste as good, but just seeing his comfort food made Paul's stomach grumble.

They sat down in a corner and Paul had to take a few big bites before being able to start the conversation.

"Concerning people staring, I probably had part in that, I-"

"I highly doubt that. I was hurting you, so of course the people who love you didn't exactly like me."

"I barely ever defended you.", Paul mumbled, all of a sudden feeling not so hungry anymore.

Hugh reached over to take his hand and make him look up.

"That's okay. I understand."

Paul huffed and shoved some beans in his mouth, just to have an excuse to pull his hand away.

"I hate that.”, Hugh mumbled, returning to poke his own food.

“What?”

“I hate when you compare yourself to someone and somehow come to the obscure and just wrong conclusion that you’re a terrible person.”

Paul didn’t know what to say and just stayed silent. Those moments did happen, especially when he admitted what he considered to be big mistakes and was forced to wonder if he could possibly deserve Hugh.

“If you ever think again that I am somehow morally superior to you, just remember that I pushed you away for no reason for months and then was like ‘hey I realized that I do love you, take me back’.”, Hugh said bitterly.

That was a point. Somehow. But there was so much more to it. “You’re being too hard on yourself.”

“Then so are you.”

Paul couldn’t really agree with that.

“Paul, I’m sorry.”, Hugh said, before he could disagree. He was intently staring right into Paul’s eyes trying to get across all his feelings, mostly guilt. “I never wanted to hurt you, but I did. And it’s honestly hard to look back at the mistakes I made and the way I treated you and I...” He shook his head. “I don’t know what to say about it, I don’t have an excuse for the selfish way I tried to handle things and all I can do is to tell you how sorry I am and promise to do better.”

“Apology accepted.”, Paul smiled softly, reaching out to take Hugh’s hand.

“Paul, you-”

“Hugh, I forgive you, okay?”, he insisted. The doctor looked down. “I do.”, he repeated, squeezing his hand.

“Thank you.” He did his best to smile while holding back tears.

Paul gave him a moment, caressing the back of his hand with his thumb.

“It’s my turn now.”, he smiled bitterly, when Hugh had collected himself. “I definitely owe you an apology too.” He held onto the doctors hand a little tighter, nervous of trying to voice everything he meant. He wasn’t as good as Hugh at packing up his feelings in words. “I’m sorry I was completely oblivious to your feelings and needs, I was… selfish. I realized that didn’t want to see how much you were hurting, because I just wanted us to be happy. I wanted to… I'm not sure what I wanted, maybe I just wasn't thinking. But I know now that there’s no shortcuts to being happy with you and I am willing to work for it.”

“Thank you.”, Hugh smiled. “I am too.”

Paul let out a breath that he hadn’t realized he had been holding. As hard as this conversation was to have, it felt so good to finally talk things out.

They finished eating in silence, both deep in thoughts.

Paul found himself being uneasy in Hugh’s company. After months of doing his best to not even think of him, avoid him, and feeling the unavoidable pain of his heartache every time he did see him, sitting there and just talking was weird to say the least.

“So what will be our plan for the future?”, Hugh asked.

Paul had to think about that for a while.

“Let’s not stress anything.”, he said. “We’ve seen how trying to pick up where we left turned out, it was a disaster. So I’d say it’s time for a new start.”

“I agree.”, Hugh smiled. “Rushing things is probably the worst we could do right now. We could just go on some dates?”, he said, almost sounding shy.

“I’d love to.", Paul said softly. "We’ll have to be creative though.”, he chuckled, getting up to return his tray. Hugh followed him. “I don’t think there’s a lot of things to do or places to go 950 years in the future.

“Theralysium sound like a nice place. We could go hiking there. But we could also just sign up for a few hours in the kitchen and cook together.”, Hugh suggested, putting down his tray.

“Good idea. We should do that. But for now I should lie down again, I had expected to be a lot less tired after a coma.”

“It was a lot on your body, so in my professional opinion I very much support you getting a lot of sleep.”

“Thank you, doctor.”, Paul chuckled.

They smiled at each other, standing comfortably close.

“Thank you for talking with me.”, Paul said softly, a hand resting on Hugh’s arm.

“Thank you too.”, Hugh replied, returning the gesture by running his hand up Paul’s arm and squeezing his shoulder.

Paul had missed this so much. Hugh’s touch felt bittersweet, but it was there and that’s what counted. He knew that the pain would fade and the sweetness would stay.

“Can I kiss you?”

Paul was somehow completely surprised and taken aback by this question, because he actually had to think about the answer. “No.”, was his impulsive reply.

“Oh.” Hugh let go of him.

“I just need some time.”, he quickly tried to explain. “It’s just...I haven't gotten used to our current situation, you know how bad I am at changes, I have to sort through my thoughts and change my thinking to adapt and I...I just need some time.”, he repeated apologetically.

“Of course.”, Hugh said softly, keeping up his genuine and understanding smile, but Paul knew he was a little hurt.

“I’ll organize some time in the kitchen, okay? Just send me your schedule. I’m sure we’ll get a spot soon.”, he tried to fix it, by showing his enthusiasm for their date.

“Sounds great.”, Hugh smiled. “I can’t wait.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Hi.”, Hugh smiled excitedly. He hadn’t used the kitchen ever since he had returned and had apparently forgotten how comfortable and homely a real kitchen with an eating space felt.

“Hey.”, Paul replied, greeting him with a short but warm hug.

“Oh, you’re already prepared stuff?”, Hugh said, examining the ingredients on the counter. “What are we making?” He was happy to make whatever Paul had picked, he was a great cook.

“I honestly have no clue how to pronounce it, so I’m not even going to try. It’s a version of burger that they make on Mavala IV.”

“Sounds great. Just tell me what to do.”

“Uhm…”, Paul looked at the the recipe, to calculate the best order to do things. “Do we want dessert?”

“Sure.”, Hugh smiled, because Paul liked sweet things.

“We could make…” He thought about it, while dragging out the last word. “Icecream? That’s pretty basic, so it’s be done until the buns are done. What do you want to make?”

“I’ll go with the ice cream and leave the baking to the pro.”, he chuckled.

“I’m not a better cook than you, you just lack practice.”, Paul smiled, pulling his brows together. He used to always say that when Hugh complimented his cooking skills and hearing it again warmed his heart.

Paul rolled up the sleeves of his sweater, revealing the light layer of almost white hair covering his arms and the implants that made a contrast to his pale skin. Hugh found himself staring at his hands, chasing a memory he wasn’t able to catch. He distracted himself with starting to do his part of the work.

“It’s fun that we’re making something, that we’ve never had before.”, he smiled.

“Yeah, you know, we’ve had a lot of dates like this before so I thought I’d bring something new new to it. This is supposed to be a new start after all. We shouldn’t be interrupted by possibly unwelcome memories and… missing family.”

Hugh nodded. “Can I ask you something? I promise I won’t bring it up again today, but I’ve been wondering and it’s really important to me.”

“What is it?”, Paul asked. He just continued combining the ingredients, but Hugh could spot the wary frown.

“When you tried to give me back my stuff and I- Wait, first off. thank you for that and sorry for snapping at you like that, I-”

“It’s okay. I made mistakes there too, I tried to use it as an excuse to talk to you when you asked me not too.”

“You we’re trying to do what felt right.”, Hugh replied. “And you were so sweet to say you would send it to my mom, when I snapped at you to throw it out. What did you end up doing with it?”

“I sent it to your mom of course.”, Paul said, soft but also mildly offended that Hugh would think anything else. “Aren’t you missing any of the things?”

“I only started missing them a bit ago, but I was too anxious to ask and before that I was too upset. I’m glad that you sent it to Mom, it’ll help her.”

“I talked to her.”, Pauls said trying to smile. “Or she talked to me rather. She asked me about what was going on with you and us and… she tried to convince me to talk to you, to try to fix everything and… I just said, no, that you don’t want to talk to me, and I wouldn’t force you to. I was being so childish and just stupid and… and she still kept messaging me, doing everything she could to help.” He stared at a spot on the tabled before shaking his head and going back to kneading the ingredients into a dough.

“She loves you, she always will.”, Hugh smiled. “We all make mistakes.”

Paul nodded, not convinced.

“I talked to your sister.” He hadn’t known how to bring it up, just that he’d have to do it, but after Paul had brought up his mom it felt fitting.

“What did she say?”, Paul asked, looking up at him surprised.

“She called me, apparently after you had talked to her and… what can I say, she knew well what was going on. Our communication was terrible and she said that. She asked me to talk to you, to be direct, cause maybe you just weren’t used to the way I talked anymore or maybe I had forgotten how you were or both. And I… I kind of snapped at her that… that I knew exactly how you were.” He barely got out the words. He couldn’t believe he had talked or even thought so badly about Paul. “I was not at all in check of my emotions, I was a mess, I’m so sorry I said that.”

“Hugh, it’s okay. There were a lot of things at play.”

“It’s not okay at all. And Rowan was right to be mad at me. But I sent her a message before we left. That I would try to fix it and that I hope she can forgive me and that I’ll watch out for you.”

Paul smiled. “Traveling 950 years to the future is a pretty big gesture, she can’t deny that.” He fell into thoughts, closely paying attention to forming two perfect buns. “I’ll miss her.”, he said, when he was satisfied with she shape of the dough. “Don’t get me wrong, there’s more people I will miss, but…”

“You’re close.”

He nodded, again staring at a spot on the table. They had been separated for a long time but Hugh could clearly recognize the pressed together lips, twitching brows and off blinking pattern as distress.

“Hey.”, he said softly, reaching out to rub Paul’s back.“I’ll miss my siblings too. And mom.”

Paul leaned into him, wrapping an arm around him.

“But staying on Discovery was the right decision.”, he said, sure of his words.

They just stood there holding each other. Far away from home, lost in the endlessness of space and time each other was all they had.

“That’s a pretty depressing date so far, huh?”, Paul tried to laugh, as they seperated.

“We have two pretty depressing years behind us.”, Hugh replied, rubbing his back one last time before letting go. “But you’re right. Maybe we should make this date less focused on the past, like you planned to.”

Paul just gave him a nod and put the buns in the oven, while Hugh put the ice cream mixture in the freezer.

“So what do you do in your free time?”, he asked.

The blonde frowned at him.

“Things changed, some first date questions are probably not a bad idea.”, Hugh shrugged.

Paul raised his brows. “I… I don’t have free time. Mostly I work. But when I have time I work on the forest, so you could count that as free time, I guess. How about you?”

“I read a lot. Anything and everything, but mostly old books. It makes me think, so it helps.”

“What did you read last?”

“The Art of Thinking Clearly.”

“I could need that.”, Paul huffed, leaning back against the counter.

“You might like it, maybe you should read it when you have free time again.”

“Yeah, maybe.” He gave him a little smile. “Do you still like opera?”

“I do. I kind of rediscovered it. Also I understand now why you think it’s ridiculous.”

Paul chuckled. “I understand now why you think it’s beautiful.”, he said softly.

Hugh laughed. The situation was so ironic and the mere idea of Paul liking opera was just hilarious. He blonde just grinned at him somewhat shyly. They looked at each other for a long moment. Hugh had forgotten what butterflies in the stomach felt like. He gave his best to burn it into his mind, so his fear and confusion would never make him doubt this again.

“What about some music?”, Paul suggested right when Hugh asked:”What about some wine?”

They laughed.

“Both.”, Paul chuckled.

“Sounds perfect.”, Hugh grinned. “Red? White?”

“Red.”

Hugh got the drinks while Paul put on quiet comfortable music. The doctor handed him a glass.

“Thanks. Cheers.”

“Cheers.”

They chinked glasses and drank.

Paul made a face. He scrunched up his nose, pulling his head back and his shoulders up. Hugh remembered comparing some of Paul’s reactions to those of a cat and yes, that was still perfectly accurate.

“I don’t like that one.”, Paul stated as if his face hadn’t clearly shown that. He put the glass down by the replicator. “Computer, give me something sweeter.”

“Please specify t-”

“I don’t care, just something sweeter.”, he interrupted the mechanical voice.

The replicator made it’s usual sound and opened, presenting a dark blue liquid in a wine glass. Paul raised it to his nose carefully to smell it, both suspicious and curious.

“Oh. Funky.” He tasted it. “Definitely not wine, but I like it.”, he said satisfied.

They chinked glasses again and drank.

“Since when do you not like that wine anymore?”, Hugh asked, purely out of curiosity.

“Since now apparently.”, Paul said. “I haven’t drunk wine in two years actually, or any alcohol for that matter.”

“Oh.”, Hugh said surprised

“Yeah, I…” He shrugged. “You know that I, stress and addictive substances don’t go well together. And since you were gone… I just didn't trust myself.” He lifted his brows to release the frown and shrugged. "Anyways.", he said quickly. "We should continue cooking. Patties making or vegetable chopping?"

Hugh picked the patties.

He didn't know what meat it was that Paul had picked, it was too yellow to be from earth and smelled of herbs even though it wasn't seasoned yet.

“I think cooking dates are my favourite kind of dates.”, Hugh smiled, skimming the recipe. “I mean, sure, right now we don’t really know what to talk about and are a little awkward, but it’s been a while. Which I guess is just a long way of saying that I’m really happy we’re having this date.”

“Me too. Cooking dates always were your favourite.”, Paul replied slicing tomatoes.

“What’s your favourite kind of date? I don’t think you’ve ever told me and I was never sure.”, he asked, seasoning the meat.

“I loved all of them.”

“Come on, there were some that you-”

“No.”, Paul said securely. He had stopped chopping vegetables, to intently look at Hugh. “As long as I was with you, I didn’t care. I was… snarky here and there, of course, but I always loved it.” He smiled at him, even warmer when Hugh replied it and went back to slicing tomatoes.

Hugh got a pan out of the cupboard and prepared it for the patties. Of course he could tell actual annoyance from snark, but there had been a few dates where Hugh had kind of dragged Paul along to things he liked and remembered him being more snarky than usual.

"Except for the one time, if you can call that a date, when you came to visit me on Deneva and we wanted to go out for dinner but I had a reaction to that vaccine from the day before.", Paul chuckled, interrupting his thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm not a fan if you having to puke all night either.", he replied, carefully placing the first patty in the pan. "But I remember the week when we met on Riegel IV and I think that was a great holiday even though I was sick. You were so sweet taking care of me."

Paul smiled a little bitterly. "I wish I had been… sweet more often."

"You were! You always were.", Hugh assured him. "You did so many incredibly sweet things for me. Every day.”

Paul did his best to smile. “You know what else we should have done more?”, he said, either to change the subject for to answer Hugh’s questions for his favourite date or probably both. “Dancing. I… I somehow really miss that.”

“I will happily dance with you any day any time.”, he said. It came out like a love confession and it was one, now that he thought about it.

“What about right now?”

“Of course.”, Hugh grinned softly.

Paul wiped his hands, seeming a little nervous but excited as he walked up to Hugh.

“Uhm, do you want to lead?”

Hugh laughed.

“Paul, you always lead.”

“I’m just asking.”, he mumbled awkwardly.

“Thank you.”, Hugh smiled. “I’d love you to lead.”

“Okay.”, Paul smiled back, definitely nervous now and unsure where to put his hands.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”, Hugh asked gently.

“Nothing. You don’t-”

“Paul.”

“I don’t want to ruin this again.”, he blurted. “I found you and we had a second chance and I ruined it and I doubt the universe will give us a fourth chance, I just…”

“Paul, it wasn’t your fault.”

“It was, I-”

“Okay, let’s leave out our whole self-blaming thing, we won’t agree on that now. We need therapy to settle that.”

“We do.”

“But let me say that I… I wasn’t in control of my emotions at all and I can promise you that I am now, and if I ever have any problem I’ll tell you and I won’t ever snap at you again.”, he promised.

“I know, Hugh.”, Paul assured him. “This is not your problem, it’s mine.”

“We’re in this together. Problems and comfort.”

Paul nodded with a thankful smile. He held out his hand and Hugh took it and they moved into a casual dancing position.

They slow danced to the quiet music.

“I missed this too.”, Hugh smiled softly.

Paul replied with a small grin, caressing his knuckles with his thumb.

God, Hugh had missed him. Especially his smile. He suddenly had to wonder if he had remembered every detail of Paul's face. So he closed his eyes and imagined him before opening them to check.

Though he liked to think he had remembered every little thing, imaginary Paul couldn’t possibly live up to the Paul right in front of him.

His bright blonde hair, that took the colour of the light it was in and made that cute little curl over his left temple. His practically invisible brows and lashes, that Hugh could all make out at this close distance. The dark blue eyes, that made the only contrast to every everything else about him that was so pale. Cheekbones and jaw that could cut a man, always perfectly clean shaven, no matter what. His slim lips.

Paul let out a quiet chuckle and Hugh’s eyes snapped back up.

The smile lines around his eyes.

“Kiss me.”, Paul asked.

Hugh didn’t have to be told twice. But he had enough self control to make it a soft kiss instead of smashing their faces together. He felt a little like a teenager, kissing for the first time in his life. A warm tingling spread from his lips all over his body and when Paul cupped his cheek, he shivered. His hand was warm from holding Hugh’s but exactly as soft as Hugh had remembered it. Just like his lips.

Hugh wrapped both arms around him and pulled him closer, one had resting between his shoulder blades the other in the small of his back. Paul replied by lightly pressing his fingers into Hugh’s neck and deepening their kisses.

Both of them grew more eager, pushing and pulling and Hugh was so overwhelmed that he didn’t realize something was wrong until their kisses seemed too wet and tasted just a little salty.

He pulled back and yes, Paul was very obviously crying. Hugh cursed himself for not noticing earlier.

“Hey.”, Hugh said softly.

Paul looked down, pressing his lips together in an attempt to stop them from quivering and tried to wipe the tears away rather aggressively.

“Hey. Paul.” Hugh stopped him by cupping his cheeks. He tried to make eye contact, because through the tears obscuring Paul’s eyes it was hard to make out what exactly was wrong. Paul just wiggled his way out of his hands and instead pushed his face into Hugh’s shoulder.

He had learned to take this as a gesture of distress, guilt and embarrassment. Hugh hugged him, soothingly running his hands over his back, while Paul only loosely rested his hands on his hips.

“We failed at not taking it too fast, hm?”

“Sorry, I just-” He held back a sob.

Hugh held him tighter.

“It’s okay. No need to worry.”, he said softly and placed a kiss in Paul’s hair. “Take your time.”

He felt the tears soaking his shirt. “You’ve been holding that in for a while, hm?”

“It is recommended to remove the food from the oven.”, the computer warned them.

Paul instantly took the chance to distract himself and went to take the buns out of the oven. They were a little too brown on top, but still looked great. He pulled the kitchen mittens off his hands, staring at the buns like they were personally responsible for his emotions and again tried to wipe the the tears away. Hugh just watched him, too worried to remember the patties, so Paul flipped them. They were also a little dark but still good. Paul had run out of things to do, so he crossed his arms, leaned back against the counter and stared at the floor.

“Are you okay?”, Hugh asked. Despite wanting to step closer, he had stayed exactly were he was to give Paul space.

He nodded and looked at Hugh, which apparently was a bit of a struggle, since his eyes still flickered to spots behind Hugh. “I… Maybe it was a bad idea to try and… not think about everything that happened. Cause I can’t. I can’t ignore it, not even for the sake of one nice date.”

“That’s okay. It’s probably better to tackle everything as soon as it comes up.”

"This is why is said no in the mess hall.", Paul mumbled. "I'm sorry, I thought I would be okay now but… I'm not." He gave him a wobbly smile.

"Paul, it's okay.", Hugh repeated more insistently now, stepping closer. "Our relationship has been through a lot."

He opened his mouth to say something as he was still struggling to vocalize what was going through his mind. "It's hard to seperate the good things from the bad things. I mean, two weeks ago just thinking of you was… hard and now we're suddenly here and…"

"Yeah, I know.", Hugh smiled bitterly.

Paul closed the gap between them and rested his hands on the other's hips. He took a long time to survey Hugh's face closely, his brows still pulled together, but in a very soft way.

"I love you.", he then said.

"I love you too." Hugh couldn’t help but smile, hearing and saying this. "So so much."

Even though Paul didn’t seem to be in the mood to smile yet, he did his best to do so anyways and nodded before going in for another kiss.

The single kiss sent a warmth to Hugh’s chest and judging by his much more genuine smile, it did something similar to Paul. This seemed to be the moment where both of them started growing confident that they’d work everything out eventually.

"Food?", Hugh asked and Paul stole one more kiss before they went to assemble their burgers.

They turned out amazing. Of course they did, with Paul as head chef. They sat around a corner of the big table, to stay close to each other but also be able to talk.

But for a while they didn't talk anyways, they just enjoyed the food in a comfortable silence.

"I know this wasn't the most fun date,...”, Paul started. “...but I think it was good. I feel much better than before.”

“I think it was a nice date, despite… everything. But maybe that’s just because it was with you. Either way, I agree with you.”

“We should spend time together a lot then.”, Paul smiled.

“We should.”, Hugh agreed, taking his hand. Paul squeezed it a little.

“I’m so glad that this is happening. I feel like… this will work out.”

“I’m sure it will. We’ll make it work.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading all of this!
> 
> I'm uploading this cause I did nothing but study for the last two week and need some positivity in my life.
> 
> If this brought some positivity to your life, please consider leaving a comment :D


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